Report # 13 is the thirteenth installment in Stephen P. Bye’s ongoing series. Bye is the correspondent for the Mirror Rearview, a fictitious newspaper. Laicos County is a hypothetical town in the United States of America. Regarding the metamorphosis that has taken place at the three public golf courses in Laicos County over the course of the last six months, please refer to the twelve reports that have been published previously. (The 14th of June) The recent choices made by the Laicos County Commissioners regarding the golf course operations and the newly imposed tax measures were the subject of my collection of frank views, which I obtained after spending several days wandering the streets of Laicos County. I have included verbatim excerpts from responses to several of my inquiries in the following paragraphs. What are your thoughts on the measures that have been implemented that will have an effect on the Laicos Country Club? Donny T. Rump: “I am the President of the Laicos Country Club, and the lies that have been spread about our charitable membership have been spread by the false press.” We are going to file a lawsuit against the County for unlawfully condemning our street access and charging a toll to drive into our club. In addition, we are going to charge our golf rounds with that ridiculous tariff. I will construct a large wall around our club in order to keep our adversaries out, and I will charge the county for the cost of the wall. Clint Hillray: “I was able to get access to certain secret e-mails that were stored on the private server of Donny T. Rumps.” My investigation led me to uncover years’ worth of proof that the crooked Laicos Country Club had misled to the County about their position as a charity that was exempt from paying taxes. So, what took place? As a result of his dishonesty and adultery, I would want to present them with a bill for millions of thousands of dollars in overdue taxes. According to Paul Fortaman, “Our Country Club is being penalized in an unfair manner.” It is a total witch hunt that they are doing against our President, Donny T. Rump, as if he were a spy for the Russian government. It is true that we are a charitable organization… On the 29th of February, which is known as Destitute Day, we have been providing food to the homeless for many years and have also enabled them to use our outdoor pool. According to Alex Casio, the property that is located on their golf course ought to be demolished and covered with solar panels. I despise the greens of grass… There are a variety of ways that we are getting green. In order to ensure that the solar panels are fully maximized, it is inevitable that we will have to chop down the majority of the trees. At my profession as a bartender, I’ve gained a lot of knowledge about green things, such as green olives, limes, pickles, and the green beer that I serve on St. Patrick’s Day. How do you feel about the new tax of five percent that will be imposed on families who earn more than half a million dollars annually? In the words of Sandy Bernard: “Wonderland did not go far enough… At the same time as the threshold for income should be dropped to $250,000, the tax rate should be reduced to 70 percent. Everyone will be able to get free medical care and higher education. “Any tax is harmful for a free economy,” said Paul Ronald on taxes. In order to get out of Laicos County as quickly as possible, I am going to put my home up for sale. In terms of taxes, this is merely the beginning of a trend. I have decided to move the headquarters of my firm to a state that does not impose any income taxes and does not have any restrictions that are restrictive. According to Harry K. Llama, “Why should the increased taxes be used to pay for the dumb operations of the golf course?” The funds from this revenue might be used to provide free accommodation for those who are homeless and to provide income for everyone, even if they do not choose to work. Warren Lizbet: “I used my influence to convince Ms. Wonderland to establish a wealth tax rather than an income tax.” Due to the fact that wealthy individuals often lie about their income on their federal tax returns, the County is unable to utilize this as an accurate assessment. For their discriminatory, I mean FAIR portion of their riches, the affluent need to be subject to taxation. John Garyson: “Is it possible that the fantasy journey that Alice N. Wonderland brought about is to blame for the tens of millions of dollars in damages that Laicos County has just incurred?” After the County generated millions of dollars from GRIM, the old professional golf management business, some fools came up with the plan to socialize the golf operations while the County was still making millions. Take a look at the enormous difficulties that have been produced by excessive regulation. Give the free market the upper hand. Your opinion on whether or not nudity should be permitted at Round-Trip Fields has to be expressed. Michael Sterling Penny: “I can unequivocally say that… Moral deterioration in our society has reached a fascinating degree, and it’s no surprise. Anthony Wiener: “What’s wrong with letting people see your wiener?” Tony Wiener said. According to Daniel Storm, “I can’t wait to play with some renowned celebs who are celebrity.” To quote Jake Rubee: “No, in no way!” In the downtown area, my Carousel Strip Club will suffer a loss of business due to the County. The following is a quote from Will Burmills: “For years, I have been skinny diving with a stripper named Foxy Fanny in the lake off of the second hole.” I can now do it in a lawful manner.” Are you of the opinion that it would be a good idea to repeal the prohibition on prostitutes, safety goggles, and hardhats on the golf courses located in Laicos County? “Yes,” Rose Jipsey said. A strip tease on the first tee at Round-Trip Fields is something that I am really excited to undertake. At the Carousel Club, where I work as a dancer, I am overjoyed that prostitutes are able to play golf once again. It was impossible for me to play golf while wearing a thick hard helmet, said Helmut Steel. Having so much metal on my head caused me to have mental difficulties… When I was attempting to navigate the courses, my compass kept pointing at my head, which caused me to get disoriented. Over and over again, I went in circles. “Those crazy goggles caused me double vision and a lot of double bogies because I got confused a lot,” said Al “Lefty” Wright. “I got a lot of double bogies.” When it comes to golf, I play right-handed, but I’m working on switching to left-handed, so I’ll be OK right now. “I am really happy that the safety things have been repealed,” said Sue Yourbutt. Again, golf balls will cause injuries to a significant number of individuals. My legal business has just finished recording a new television commercial in which it announces the enormous payments that it has negotiated with Laicos County and insurance companies on behalf of my clients who were wounded while playing golf on the County Golf courses. When it comes to Alice N. Wonderland, should there be a vote to recall her? “No,” John Q. Public said. There is a wonderful heaven that she has constructed for the middle class and the destitute…and even for golfers who are impoverished. According to Libby Commune, “She has done an excellent job.” The creation of a lovely community and the opening of the golf courses to all of the inhabitants is a really democratic initiative. In the year 2020, she ought to make a bid for the presidency of the United States. The Rock Macho said, “Man, you should toss her out as quickly as possible.” Due to the fact that she and Hacker destroyed three beautiful golf courses, she had best be careful. This woman isn’t very bright. According to what I’ve heard, she has launched a new political group that goes by the name of the Mad-Tea Party. She also has plans to run for president and to push the nation into serious financial trouble. “I used to go to the bar at Round Trip for burgers, onion rings, and fries, but now I don’t go since the food that they serve is so terrible.” said Billy Hill. Although I like the TP, I found that it was too gentle for my butt, so I stole several rolls. At this point, they are developing that goofy toon there… Just now, things has gone to hell. As for Wonderland, she has been sitting on her pot for far too long, and she has made the whole area smell terrible. “Are you dreaming…never?” Felicity Delight responded. It is a great pleasure for me to eat at Alice’s restaurants that are located on golf courses. The book Alice in Wonderland is a treat to read. Her love and happiness are a blessing to everyone she encounters. Viewing the Future Through the Rearview Mirror, Looking Forward
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