In order to begin the process of healing and putting things back on track, it is time to discuss a relationship question that you need to ask your spouse when anything has gone wrong in the relationship. Just before I share that question with you, I’m going to share a question that is quite similar to it that I heard at an event not too long ago. As an author, motivational speaker, corporate trainer, entrepreneur, and co-author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series, Jack Canfield posed the following question: “What if we went through life every day with a perspective that says, “I will act as if I create, promote, or allow everything that happens to me?” In the event that I am fortunate enough to win the lottery, for instance, the concept is that I have in some way produced it, promoted it, or surely caused it to happen by purchasing the ticket. Advice on love and marriage: getting a fresh take on the concept of responsibility The question that Jack has inquired about is connected to a concept of duty that I previously discussed: When it comes down to it, accountability is all about reaction ability, or our capacity to react. We do not have the ability to build the life that we desire until we come to terms with the fact that we are accountable for our actions. The fact that reaction capacity is applicable to each and every connection is the aspect of it that struck me the most. You should strive to be able to reply rather than react because when you react, you become a prisoner to both your response and your ego. Replying is the opposite of reacting. For some reason, you are attempting to resolve a matter that has nothing to do with your feelings or the love that you have for your spouse. The moment you respond, you begin to see your partner as an adversary and a danger. If you choose to see responsibility as being responsive rather than reactive, you are making the conscious decision to be free rather than being enslaved by your interactions. What do you think would happen if you shifted your view on duty toward something different? Imagine for a moment if you lived each day as if you were the one who promoted, created, or allowed everything that occurred to you. Therefore, the question I have for you about relationships is pertinent regardless of whether you are looking for dating assistance or marital guidance. The issue that has to be answered is: how did I come to be acting in such a manner with my partner? In light of the fact that a significant portion of a dispute is centered on your partner rather than on yourself, this may seem to be counterintuitive. You are going to need to put a stop to any reaction, whether it be defensiveness, counter-irritation, or a disrespectful answer, if you want to be effective. I am aware of how frightening it is! When I heard Jack’s inquiry, I had the same feelings. When I first heard that, my stomach fell, and I thought to myself, “I despise that.” On the other hand, anytime I have that emotion, I am aware that it is precisely the thing that I need to hear, regardless of the cause. It is either something that I need in my own life or something that I think it is important to share with you. What would happen if, during a disagreement, you used your reaction skill rather of responding to the situation? You give the order, “Hold that thought…wait a minute.” a statement was just made by my spouse in a manner that is not conducive to my way of thinking. But if I take a moment to reflect on the ways in which I have contributed to their current state of being with me, what do I see? There are questions that are relevant to relationships, such as: how am I creating the situation in which I am genuinely upset or irritated? When I was irritated or resentful, I didn’t realize that I had certain expectations, but now I can see that I now have those expectations. How is it that I am now presenting myself in a manner that has prompted this type of response, or what is it that I consider to be an unpleasant way of being with me? In this way, the spell of reactivity will be broken, and you will have the opportunity to reconnect with one another. This will make it possible for you to participate in a new kind of intimacy, even during a dispute. It would mean a lot to me if you were to let your spouse take advantage of this dating, relationship, and marriage advice. Feel free to share your experiences in the comments section below if you are comfortable doing so. In the event that you do, I will give you a present!
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