THERE IS NO WAY TO QUANTIFY LOVE.

There is no way to quantify love. When attempting to assess whether or not there is sufficient quantity, it is not possible to put it in test tubes in a scientific laboratory or to place it on the large scale of life. The mind that is worried and sensitive yearns for a definitive response to the questions that are always running through its head, such as “How much do I love you?” Where does one stop? Do I love you as much as you love me? I need to know. – hoping that a heavenly hand would reach down from the skies and stamp the connection with a mark of approval in order to make anything official. Love, on the other hand, is not a test that you take in school and for which you might obtain a letter grade. It is not exactly a bunch of valuable diamonds that can be placed on a scale to assess how much it is worth today. The ability to quantify, grade, or weigh it is not possible. There is no way to quantify love. Because the hypervigilant part of you wants to make sure that you have what it takes to develop a healthy, passionate long-term relationship, you have a strong desire to quantify love. This aspect of you, which you may think of as your sentry or gatekeeper, is of the opinion that if you could provide an answer to this one question, you would have your guarantee, and you would be able to proceed with the knowledge that you have taken the necessary precautions. In the event that you are similar to the majority of individuals, you have done a thorough examination of the connection under a magnifying glass to ensure that you are a suitable fit for one another. The gatekeeper, on the other hand, is not content with only being good enough; this aspect of you strives for excellence in order to conquer its concerns of making mistakes. For love, as well as for life in general, there is no such thing as perfection. The only thing that matters is having faith that what you have, provided that it is stable and kind, is sufficient. Where does one stop? One of the things that fascinates me about relationship anxiety is that it often starts with the question, “Does he or she love me enough?” and then shifts to the question, “Do I love him or her enough?” the term that is often used? enough. What we are searching for is proof of “enoughness,” which can be boiled down to a question about whether or not you really deserve it: As you continue to ask yourself, “Do I love him or her enough?” until you have fallen down the rabbit hole of attempting to find an answer to a question that cannot be answered, the notion that you are not enough will eventually be transferred onto your spouse. The actual question, the one that puts an end to the never-ending cycle of pondering questions that have no answers, is this: is my partner someone with whom I may acquire knowledge about love? with regard to his trustworthiness, dependability, and dedication to our partnership? Does she have love and support for me, and does she really want what is best for me? “Do I love him/her enough?” should be replaced with “how can I increase our love?” if the answer is yes (and if you are here, I would bet a lot of money that it is), then it is time to change the question with “how can I develop our love?” Love cannot be quantified, yet it may be developed over time. We do not cultivate it by finding “the one” and putting our faith in the destinies of others. We do not develop it by reading the 10 suggestions in Cosmo and then miraculously enjoying greater and more passionate sex. This is not how its growth occurs. We don’t just happen to develop it by chance. We put forth a lot of effort to cultivate it. In our society, we are constantly bombarded with messages about love; but, taking action is the most effective approach to cultivate love. It is a fantastic essay written by Winifred M. Riley and published in the Huffington Post titled “36 things I know after 36 years of marriage.” Here are the eighth and ninth items on the list: 9. The institution of marriage is a “learn on the job” circumstance. We do not come into this situation with all of the talents that are necessary for success. When things go difficult, it is not an indication that we need a new spouse; rather, it is a message that we need to acquire some new skills when things get difficult. 10. Conflict in a marriage is not only unavoidable, but it is also fundamentally required. It is impossible for any of us to cultivate a solid and healthy relationship without first confronting and resolving matters that are challenging. In the same way that we cultivate awareness in our brains through the practice of mindfulness and that we cultivate stronger bodies through the practice of exercise, we cultivate love through the practice of love, which ultimately involves understanding the abilities and behaviors of the heart. To name a few of the love laws and loving actions that help you open your heart and grow your love and attraction for your partner, we grow love by focusing on what is working in the relationship, by filling up our own inner well of self, by actively connecting to gratitude, and by initiating loving reunions. These are just some of the ways that we grow love. As a talent, love is something that can be taught. Certain individuals acquire these talents by osmosis if they were raised in households where they experienced a loving and healthy marriage. However, for the rest of us, which constitutes the great majority of the population, we are required to acquire the skills of love from the very beginning. It is possible that the assertion that love cannot be measured but may be developed may seem to be contradictory, similar to many other phrases that describe a life lived from the heart of one’s being. What is the best way to cultivate something that cannot be quantified? and how can we determine how much it has grown? Our growth is not measured by ourselves. We are experiencing expansion. The results of growth are visible to us. We are becoming more and more aware of the soft petals of our hearts opening, and we are eagerly anticipating the gentle shimmer of delight upon our arrival. When love grows, fear decreases, and when fear decreases, we rejoin with the fundamental need of our hearts to accomplish what seems to be so simple but yet eludes us most of the time: to offer and receive love with our partner who is loving and open. Have you reached the point where you are prepared to study the love rules and loving behaviors that will assist you in reducing your fear and increasing your love? If this is the case, I would like to invite you to participate in my fifth round of open your heart, which is a thirty-day program that will help you experience greater love and attraction for your spouse. The program will start on January 31, 2015. We are presently accepting registrations.

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