THE 1 RELATIONSHIP QUESTION THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING IN AN ARGUMENT

It is time to talk about a question about relationships that you need to ask yourself when anything has gone wrong with your spouse in order to begin the process of healing and getting the relationship back on track. Before I tell you the answer to that question, I’m going to tell you about a question that’s quite similar to it that I heard at a recent event. jack canfield, an author, motivational speaker, corporate trainer, entrepreneur, and co-author of the chicken soup for the soul series, posed the following thought-provoking question: “what if we went through life every day with a perspective that says I will act as if I create, promote, or allow everything that happens to me?” For instance, if I were to win the lottery, people could assume that I was somehow responsible for my good fortune, either because I played the game or because I went out to purchase a ticket. Advice on love and marriage, including a fresh take on the meaning of responsibility jack’s inquiry is in connection with a concept of accountability that I discussed not too long ago: The core of responsibility is the power to respond, namely our own capacity to react. The ability to make our lives what we want them to be starts with the realization that we are the only ones responsible for them. The fact that the capacity to respond is important to every interaction is something that truly struck a chord with me concerning reaction ability. It is preferable for you to be able to respond to a situation rather than react to it because when you react, you become a prisoner to both your response and your ego. You’re putting a lot of effort into solving a problem that has nothing to do with your heart or the love you feel for your lover. When you respond, you begin to see your partner as an adversary and a potential danger. When you approach responsibility with the mindset that it requires you to be responsive, rather than reactive, you make a conscious decision to be free rather than to be a slave to your responses. What do you believe would occur if you altered the way in which you saw your level of responsibility? What would happen if you went through life acting as if you were the one who was responsible for everything that occurred to you? Now, the question I have for you pertaining to relationships is pertinent regardless of whether you are looking for dating tips or marriage suggestions. The issue that has to be answered is: how did I get to the point where my spouse acts like this with me? This may go against your natural instincts, but an important aspect of winning an argument is concentrating on your opponent rather than on yourself. If you want to be effective, you are going to have to put a full stop on whatever reaction you have, whether it be defensiveness, counter-irritation, or a response that is disrespectful. I am aware of how terrifying it is! When I heard Jack’s inquiry, I had the exact same reaction. Initially, I felt sick to my stomach and thought to myself, “That’s not good.” But once that response occurs, I know that whatever it is that’s being said is exactly what it is that I need to hear, regardless of the cause. It’s either something I need in my own life or something I need to give to you as a gift. I can’t have both. What will occur if, during a disagreement, you choose to use your capacity to respond rather than react? You tell them to “hold that thought…wait a minute.” My other half just stated something in such and such an energy, and it doesn’t sit well with me. But if I take a moment to reflect on how it is that I have contributed to their being the way they are with me, what do I see? Related questions about relationships might include: how am I contributing to the fact that I’m really aggravated or agitated? When I felt angry or resentful, I wasn’t aware that I had any expectations, but looking back, I can see that I have certainly developed some new ones. How am I showing up right now that has attracted this sort of response, or what I’m judging to be a horrible manner of being with me? Those are the questions I need to answer. This will break the spell of reaction and offer you the opportunity to reconnect, which will enable you to participate in a new sort of intimacy – even if you are arguing with the other person. I really hope that you and your partner will find this information on dating, relationships, and marriage to be helpful. Please feel free to share your experiences in the comments section below if you are at ease doing so. If you do what I’ve asked, I’ll give you a present.

I love myBlogd

real_name_hidden

See author's posts