We have an assumption in our society that you either have it or you don’t: you’re athletic or you’re clumsy; you’re a brilliant orator or you stumble over words; you’re creative artistically or you can barely draw a stick figure; love comes easy to you or you fight to find flow in relationships. Although it is undeniable that some individuals are born with innate abilities, it is equally undeniable that if you have access to sufficient reliable knowledge, support, and practice, you can achieve proficiency in almost any endeavor. excel in the art of love? What exactly does it imply? It means that you will not always experience what we refer to as being “in love” in this culture, which is that ecstatic, heart-thumping high that is characteristic of the initial stage of some relationships. However, if you learn the love laws and commit to the loving actions that will kick fear out of the driver’s seat, you will be able to open your heart to more expansive and sustainable states of love. If you find that the act of loving others does not come naturally to you, then you will need to recondition your habitual thoughts and engage in daily practice in order to accomplish this. In the same way that if you performed yoga every day, you would ultimately be able to touch your toes, if you practice love every day, you would eventually be able to touch your heart. In addition, when you touch your own heart, you will be able to increase the amount of love and attraction that you feel for your own companion. “Does it really have to be that difficult?” is the question that I can hear you thinking right now. Do you not believe that love should be easy when you are with the perfect person? There is a widespread societal misunderstanding that when one is with the proper person, love is simple and effortless. On the other hand, the opposite of this error of judgment is that if something is difficult, you are with the wrong person. As soon as we reach an age when we are able to comprehend the cultural messages that surround love, we begin to internalize the notion that love should not be difficult. Feeling love ought to be uncomplicated. Work shouldn’t be a part of love. Find someone else to do the task if it’s work. In the overwhelming sea that is your existence, love ought to be your safe harbor. Yet, love is challenging for a lot of individuals. Even when they are with the most loving person in the world, they are unable to let down their barriers for any period of time that is really possible. The love gates would open wide if this same individual were to get into a relationship with a partner who was unavailable, where they would play the role of the pursuer in the traditional pursuer-distancer dynamic. On the other hand, if that same partner were to turn around and confront her head-on, the gates would close once again, and she would want to avoid the situation at all costs. The awareness that with loving comes vulnerability, and with vulnerability comes the possibility of being hurt, is the cause of all of the reasons that we put up walls with someone who is available. There are a lot of reasons for this, and underneath all of them is the realization that we are vulnerable. Love has caused pain to each and every one of us. All of us have been abandoned, humiliated, trampled on, invaded, and evaluated. As a result of the pain of grief, everyone of us has clenched our hearts tightly. Numerous people, including our parents, siblings, friends, relatives, instructors, and lovers, have caused our hearts to be shattered. A human being is someone who loves, and to love is to experience pain. It would seem that there is no way to get past it other than to isolate oneself and quit loving. However, you do not want to quit loving, do you? It is your desire to take the risk once again. You want to acquire the ability to learn how to open your heart to the beautiful, vulnerable, flawed, kind, loving, and sometimes frustrating partner who is there in front of you. You are aware that there is a method to take another risk, but you are unsure of how to do so. You have the impression that there is a road plan that will assist you in learning the love rules and loving behaviors that will assist you in lowering your self-imposed barriers and moving closer to your spouse. You have a gut feeling that if you were able to do this — if you were able to spend more time with an open heart rather than being protected by walls of defense — you would experience the love and attraction for your spouse that you have been yearning to experience. There is good sense in this need, since there is, in fact, a way that will lead you to your heart that is in an open state. Healing is never an easy or quick process; it is not a labor that is easy or quick. If, on the other hand, you are prepared to pursue your yearning into its core of knowledge and start accessing lengthier states of feeling open-hearted, loving, and attracted to your partner, then the following round of open your heart is for you. Open Your Heart is a thirty-day program that aims to increase feelings of love and attraction for your relationship. Registration is now open for the fifth round of the program. Whether you have been together for two months or twenty years, I am excited to guide you along the pathways that will help you open your heart to more sustainable states of loving and being loved. I have guided hundreds of couples before you, and I look forward to guiding you along these pathways together.
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